Words Left Unspoken

The hardest thing to understand are the words left unspoken.

I Grieved…

You made me wanna write again. You made me write again.

It’s been over a year and I didn’t realize that I still have not gone over what happened. I thought everything was already okay since long time had already passed and I chose not to dwell too much on that. I didn’t realize that the impact you made in my life would be that big, that it also made its way to my present situation.

I opened my heart to you, took the risk of getting hurt and welcomed the all-in package of falling for someone. I thought it was something that I could look forward to, but I was wrong. Totally wrong. I mourned for a day and decided to get over it the next day. I thought it was a success, but then again, I was wrong. Was being connected to you totally wrong? LOL! I decided to get over you immediately, without letting grief and sadness crawl in. I thought it was an effective way of letting go and moving on from the wrong one. I thought it would be that easy.

More than a year had passed and I thought that I already succeeded with my plan, but I was shocked upon realizing and seeing myself cry once more. Not because of you, but because of the situation where I used to be in. I was surprised as I found myself crying and realizing that fear has made its way to my heart.

I was not aware that I’ve held that crappy emotion for a long time. I was imprisoned by false hopes, by a false fact. I kept on asking and seeking for reasons why things had to happen that way, until a good friend helped me process things out. An article that I read also said, “Reason’s last step is the recognition that there are an infinite number of things that are beyond it.” I almost forgot that I do not have the ability to process and give reasons to everything.

I believe my own sense of grieving has already come to an end…because I chose to. Your memory has taken its toll in lingering in my mind and I believe that it’s enough. I’ve already had a fair share of bittersweet memories from you. Yes, from you, not with you.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Weeping and mourning have already come to its end. Let me now laugh and dance and enjoy the goodness of life the Lord has granted me with.

I grieved, and now I forgive. 🙂

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