Words Left Unspoken

The hardest thing to understand are the words left unspoken.

I can’t like you, can I?

on May 19, 2014

Whew!

I actually do not know how to start this. I just wanted to vent out how I feel towards you. Yes, you. I don’t exactly know how and when did this start. It just did. I actually have several reasons to like you but there are many to not to.

I have spent some good time with you and those moments, I tell you, made me really happy. Siguro nami-miss ko lang ma-inspire because of a special someone. Sana nga e ganun lang. At sana rin e ganun lang kadali na mawala tong maliit na nararamdaman ko para sayo. Natatakot kasi ako. Parang…ayoko muna. Hehe. Coward as it may sound but yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of what and how I feel about you. You have shown me certain characteristics that I like in a guy. Pero hindi lang naman ikaw ang ganun na kilala ko. Meron pa ngang mga mas gentleman pa sayo! E bakit ikaw ang napansin ko?! Nakakainis ka naman! Ang tangkad mo kasi, nakita tuloy kita! Haha! But seriously, can I ask you a favor? Can you not stay too close to me? Because if you do, I might fall and get trapped in a place where I’ve been before. Let us just stay where we are right now. Don’t come any closer, please. Not yet…not now.

I am afraid because I haven’t known you yet for a long time. This feeling of mine might be and most probably is just a misconception. Sana gusto lang kita kasi natuwa ako sayo sa minsang bonding na nagkaron tayo. Sana gusto lang kita dahil nakita ko sayo ang mga bagay na sadya nga naman talagang nakakapagpakilig sa mga babae. Hindi ko alam na ganun ka pala. 🙂 Alam mo nakakatuwa pa nga kasi naiinis ako sayo nung una. 

Well, let me tell you a short story, I actually didn’t have a good impression on you for the first time. Nainis pa nga ako sayo dahil sa pagka-epal mo, knowing the di pa naman tayo magkakilala non. I even wondered that time how you look like. Kung maka-comment ka sa post ko, akala mo close tayo. Tse! Hahaha! Pero look at us now, friends. You even jokingly uttered one time, “Hoy ano ba, close na nga kame nyan (referring to me)!” Nakakatuwa. Look at me now, writing this whatever I feel for you. 

But you know what, up to this very moment, I am still trying to contradict myself. NO. This can’t be. I can’t like you. I don’t want to like you. I have been in this situation before and I don’t want to be there again. No, not anymore. I have already had a fair share of wrong love. How did I say that it’s wrong? Wala, sinabi ko lang. I just feel it. Eh basta! Yun na yon! 

Oh, basta, ha. Hanggang dito lang muna tayo. Let me observe things first. Siguro naman e nagkakamali lang ako. Ang gentleman mo naman kasi. Nakakainis ka. Well, hopefully, I’ll be able to clarify things out and clear these feelings as well. So, help me God!

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