Words Left Unspoken

The hardest thing to understand are the words left unspoken.

Get hurt then be happy or Be happy then get hurt?

on June 26, 2013

Is it okay not to be okay? Actually I have been feeling sad and bothered for the past few days. I can’t really point out the main reason why but, I think this has something to do with what I feel. I think my fear of getting hurt is corrupting the happiness in me. And, I think this is pretty bad. Way too bad than what I’ve expected.

I really don’t know what to write in here. I just want to burst my feelings out. Why here? Simple. I don’t want to disturb my friends. I know that there are also things that bother them so, I don’t want them to think and listen to my sentiments anymore. I don’t want to give them additional burden to think of.

I really don’t know why but since these past few days, I felt like crying when I watch telenovelas. Haha! Funny but I feel so affected and moved by the scene. Maybe I just feel happy for their happy ending. Then would eventually ask myself, “How ’bout me? Well, I am not wishing for a happy ending rather, I wonder when would I ever have a good beginning.”

I think being so afraid of getting hurt steals all the happiness and joy that I may feel. I restrain myself from doing the things that I want to do just to avoid disappointment. Well, in a positive point of view, I think that’s okay. It’s just like guarding my heart and keeping it safe. However, I am thinking, “Isn’t it getting too much?”, “Am I not being overacting? A simple talk won’t harm me that bad, anyway.” Hay! I don’t know. I feel so confused.

Yesterday, I had a talk with my friend over a cup of frozen yogurt. I told her my sentiments and concerns, then she asked me, “Why, aren’t you getting hurt because of what you’re doing? You’re avoiding the person because you don’t want to fall for him nor to get hurt. But, unconsciously, you’re hurting yourself simply because you’re not doing the simple things that can make you happy which, actually, are very easy to do!” Then, boom! A huge lightning bolt struck me to death. Okay, OA. -_- But, seriously, she’s right. I got her point and I clearly understood what she was trying to say. It’s just that, I really do not know what to do. Would I keep myself distant from him? Or would I do what makes me happy?

Whenever I ask myself of what I really want to do or how would I resolve this situation, it all comes to one answer — I.DO.NOT.KNOW! Well, one thing’s for sure.  I don’t want to get hurt…again. That’s it! Then, the rest would be, “Come what may!”

As I was walking to the office this morning, an idea suddenly hit my mind. I am wearing a yellow shirt now and there were a couple of times that we wore same-colored shirts. So, petty it may be but, I asked for a sign. If he’s also wearing yellow today, then I would talk to him again and I would just go with the flow. I won’t care anymore if I might get hurt in the end or not, as long as I am happy, that will be fine. But if he’s not wearing the same color with mine, I would totally forget of what and how I feel about him — regardless of how big or small this feeling is. And another thing, I won’t mind him and whomever he’d talk to. Whew! This is going to be a one time big time pain! Haha! Well, at least, it will be over way really fast. LOL! So, I haven’t seen him yet since this morning. Well, oh, well. I’m ready for this! 😛

So, I think I have to be ready of what’s going to be. I should prepare myself to get hurt and be happy…or, to be happy then get hurt. 😉

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2 responses to “Get hurt then be happy or Be happy then get hurt?

  1. Sam says:

    Happiness doesn’t come easy. Maybe, someday, there will be a good beginning because of a bad ending. Being hurt and disappointment are always part of loving, or even admiring someone. Expectations are inevitable. Please, don’t be afraid to make people feel of what you actually feel for them. It may be a submissive move, but at least, in the end, you don’t have regrets because you chose to keep it to yourself. I love you teh! 🙂

    • jmva20 says:

      Aaaaaw! I just read this note. Thanks, teh! Yeah! I already know what to do. 🙂 i won’t be afraid anymore. Kasi ganun din e, because of being too cautious not to get hurt, nasaktan pa rin ako. Maybe I would just go with the flow. Come what may, ika nga. Thanks teh! At, alam mo ba? We wore the same clothes that day! Hahaha! 😀

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