Words Left Unspoken

The hardest thing to understand are the words left unspoken.

The Latter :)

Hey yow! πŸ˜€

Last week was a not so good week for me. Why? Simply because my worries on the first three days of that week took away all the happiness in me. I was sooo worried because of what I feel to the point that I wasn’t able to appreciate the happiness that I could have had. Anyway, good thing a good friend/colleague of mine spent time talking to me and gave me her unsolicited advice which are very useful! πŸ™‚ So now, I must say that I already know what to do!

Well, the things that I have just shared with you are not the main reasons why I wrote another entry in this blog. The reason is that *drum roll* I want to share with you what happened to the sign that I asked for from Him. Remember? The one I was talking about in my previous blog. Any guess? Haha! Well, we wore the same color of shirt on that day…which means, I would continue talking to him, be his friend and, for me, be happy! Well, God really is so good! πŸ˜€

As per what my friend, Ate Lucci, has told me, if I would lift all my concerns to the Lord, I should also trust Him. That’s how it goes. I should trust the Lord with all His plans. HIS plans. I, we, should pray and let the Lord do what He wants to do. We should let Him do the work depending on His will, not ours. πŸ™‚

I have always believed that people should learn from their experiences. And with this experience, I learned that we should have strong faith if we want something to happen. But of course, we should lift everything to the Lord — meaning, we should not expect of the outcomes that we want. We should Β trust the Lord and accept all the results whole-heartedly because what He wants or gives will always be the best for us. Again, for the nth time, we should just trust and have faith in Him. πŸ™‚

Thank you! I love You, Lord! πŸ™‚

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Get hurt then be happy or Be happy then get hurt?

Is it okay not to be okay? Actually I have been feeling sad and bothered for the past few days. I can’t really point out the main reason why but, I think this has something to do with what I feel. I think my fear of getting hurt is corrupting the happiness in me. And, I think this is pretty bad. Way too bad than what I’ve expected.

I really don’t know what to write in here. I just want to burst my feelings out. Why here? Simple. I don’t want to disturb my friends. I know that there are also things that bother them so, I don’t want them to think and listen to my sentiments anymore. I don’t want to give them additional burden to think of.

I really don’t know why but since these past few days, I felt like crying when I watch telenovelas. Haha! Funny but I feel so affected and moved by the scene. Maybe I just feel happy for their happy ending. Then would eventually ask myself, “How ’bout me? Well, I am not wishing for a happy ending rather, I wonder when would I ever have a good beginning.”

I think being so afraid of getting hurt steals all the happiness and joy that I may feel. I restrain myself from doing the things that I want to do just to avoid disappointment. Well, in a positive point of view, I think that’s okay. It’s just like guarding my heart and keeping it safe. However, I am thinking, “Isn’t it getting too much?”, “Am I not being overacting? A simple talk won’t harm me that bad, anyway.” Hay! I don’t know. I feel so confused.

Yesterday, I had a talk with my friend over a cup of frozen yogurt. I told her my sentiments and concerns, then she asked me, “Why, aren’t you getting hurt because of what you’re doing? You’re avoiding the person because you don’t want to fall for him nor to get hurt. But, unconsciously, you’re hurting yourself simply because you’re not doing the simple things that can make you happy which, actually, are very easy to do!” Then, boom! A huge lightning bolt struck me to death. Okay, OA. -_- But, seriously, she’s right. I got her point and I clearly understood what she was trying to say. It’s just that, I really do not know what to do. Would I keep myself distant from him? Or would I do what makes me happy?

Whenever I ask myself of what I really want to do or how would I resolve this situation, it all comes to one answer — I.DO.NOT.KNOW! Well, one thing’s for sure.Β  I don’t want to get hurt…again. That’s it! Then, the rest would be, “Come what may!”

As I was walking to the office this morning, an idea suddenly hit my mind. I am wearing a yellow shirt now and there were a couple of times that we wore same-colored shirts. So, petty it may be but, I asked for a sign. If he’s also wearing yellow today, then I would talk to him again and I would just go with the flow. I won’t care anymore if I might get hurt in the end or not, as long as I am happy, that will be fine. But if he’s not wearing the same color with mine, I would totally forget of what and how I feel about him — regardless of how big or small this feeling is. And another thing, I won’t mind him and whomever he’d talk to. Whew! This is going to be a one time big time pain! Haha! Well, at least, it will be over way really fast. LOL! So, I haven’t seen him yet since this morning. Well, oh, well. I’m ready for this! πŸ˜›

So, I think I have to be ready of what’s going to be. I should prepare myself to get hurt and be happy…or, to be happy then get hurt. πŸ˜‰


Untitled Sentiment

Hey there! It’s been one month and a week now when he entered the company where I work at. And yes, it has also been a month and a week that I have a crush on him. I feel happy, yes. But as time goes by, I feel a little more scared of what and how I feel. It’s not that I am a philophobic but I just can’t help myself but be afraid of what’s something inside me. I don’t want to get hurt yet. Not again. Yes, I have been hurt before and that caused me so much pain to the point that I am still afraid ’til now. I am happy with how I feel but scared at the same time. Scared that I might totally fall in love with someone but then, AGAIN, the person won’t be there to catch me. Yeah, cheesy! Another thing that I am afraid of? There is this girl whom I think has a secret crush on him, too. Well, “History repeats itself”, as they say. It’s not that I am being too selfish or anything but, I am just afraid that they might fall deeply in love with one another. What’s funny about this? I have noticed that this girl has been befriending me since these past few days. *insert bitter laugh here* Well, I just can’t accept the fact that I might get hurt again…that I would get hurt again. I have had enough of this shitty thing. Hahaha! It’s fine with me if the guy wouldn’t feel the same way as I do. I just pray that this feeling of mine wouldn’t go any farther anymore. I can be happy for them, if they like each other. But not now, please. Let me forget what I feel for the guy first. Haha! Then after that, once I say that I’m fine, go ahead! Go and show the world what you guys really feel for one another!

I just hope and pray that if the guy wouldn’t fall for me, it’s better for me not to fall for him, too. πŸ™‚

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